You’re getting married! You’re wearing the ring, you’ve set a date, you’ve created a Pinterest account, but now it’s time to get down to the details...who’s going to pay for all of this? For the modern bride and groom - it’s not always cut and dry. Do you do it yourself? Do you involve your parents? His parents? To help you sort through a game plan I’ve chosen three icons whose projected personalities can help you decide what kind of wedding you want to throw. Elegantly simple? Traditional? Or do you want to have the reigns and plan the barnyard wedding of your dreams? While has nothing to do with the events of their marriages, let’s let Coco Chanel, Grace Kelly and Marilyn Monroe can help us sort through the next steps!
Coco Chanel: The Iconic Minimalist
If Coco had a modern phrase it would be keep it simple. From her beige heels with black-tipped toes to her infamous little black dress, Coco understood that bells and whistles are not synchronous with beauty, expense or elegance. If you follow her life from the Catholic orphanage, to her haberdashery, to the release of the perfume smelled round the world: the one thing that stayed the same was Coco’s preference for the understated. If you resonate with this description and just want to keep it simple - here’s a simple guide to who pays for what:
The Bride:
- Wedding ring for the groom
- Presents for the bridal attendants, and flower girls
- Wedding invitations, announcements, calligraphy, and mailing costs*
- Bridesmaids' luncheon
- Accommodations for out-of-town bridesmaids
The Groom:
- The bride's rings
- Marriage license
- Fee for the clergy
- Gifts for the groom attendants
- Wedding attire
- Flowers: bride's bouquet and going-away corsage, corsages for mothers, boutonniere for the groom attendants
- Accommodations for out-of-town groomsmen
- Gloves, ties, bow ties for groom attendants
- The honeymoon
The Bride’s Family:
- Wedding attire
- Reception: food, beverages, wedding cake, gratuities for the bartenders and waiters, decorations, music, flowers, etc.
- Wedding invitations, announcements, calligraphy, and mailing costs*
- Bride's wedding gown and lingerie
- Engagement and wedding photography and videography
- Ceremony: rental of location, fees for organist, soloist or choir, and sexton, aisle carpet and/or canopy and any other additional costs for flowers and decorations
- Personal flowers for attendants, Guest Book attendant, grandparents, etc.
- Fees for directing traffic as well as parking costs and coat-check fees
- Favors
- Transportation for bridal party to the wedding ceremony and from ceremony to reception
The Groom’s Family:
- Wedding attire *remember: Father of the Groom should match Father of the Bride!
- Travel and lodging expenses
- Rehearsal dinner
Attendants:
- Wedding attire
- Travel expenses (lodging covered by bride/groom)
- Wedding gift for the couple
- Bachelor/ette party
Depending on you and your fiancés financial situation and your parents involvement, this list will shift and change. Here is what I would do: talk about this list with your fiance - determine if there is anything in the Bride or Groom’s parents category that you would like to have control over or pay for. Once you have done this, present the updated breakdown to both sets parents and see what they are comfortable covering and how much they’d be willing to pay for their respective recommended expenses. Then re-assess with your loved one to see what you’re responsible for and identify areas you’ll want to splurge on.
Grace Kelly - The Timeless Princess
From her golden locks to her coral lips and tiny waist, Gracy Kelly is arguably the most classic icon. From her gloves to her classic off the shoulder dresses made her a natural fit for the role of Princess she would one day assume. While the modern bride certainly doesn’t have to adhere to the do’s and don’ts of traditional wedding planning, throwing a traditional wedding in which the bride’s family ushers their Princess into the arms of another can be a timeless day to remember.
The list below is adapted from Theknot.com I’ve taken out what I call thousand-dollar-tack-on-ables aka not necessary but you can see the original list here.
Bride's Family
Rings
- Bride and/or her family pay for groom's ring
Clothes
- Bride and family pay for bride's dress, veil, accessories, and trousseau (lingerie andhoneymoon clothes).
Stationery
- Bride and family pay for invitations, announcements, and wedding programs.
Flowers
- Bride and family pay for arrangements for church (including huppah if aJewish wedding ceremony) and reception, plus bouquets and corsages for bridesmaids and flower girls.
Prewedding Parties
- Bride or groom's family plans and hosts engagement party; if there is more than one, bride's family hosts the first one.
- Bride plans and hosts bridesmaids' luncheon.
Ceremony
- Bride and family pay for church or synagogue, sexton, organist, etc.
Photography
- Bride and family pay for all wedding photos and video.
Reception
- Bride and family pay for all professional services, including food, drink, decorations, and music.
Transportation
- Bride and family pay forwedding transportation of bridal party to and from ceremony and reception.
Groom's Family:
Rings
- Groom and/or his family pay for both of the bride's rings.
Flowers
- Groom and family pay for bride's bouquet and going-away corsage, boutonnieres for men, and corsages for mothers and grandmothers.
Clothes
- Groom and family pay for groom's outfit.
Prewedding Parties
- Groom's family plans and hosts the rehearsal dinner.
- Groom hosts and plans bachelors' dinner.
Ceremony
- Groom and family pay for marriage license and officiant's fee.
Honeymoon
- Groom and family pay for complete honeymoon.
Wedding Party:
Clothes
- All attendants pay for their own clothing (including shoes).
Prewedding Parties
- Maid of honor and bridesmaids host shower.
- Best man and ushers host bachelor party.
- Friends may throw additional engagement parties or showers.
Marilyn Monroe - Independent and Fabulous
The smile that made us swoon, the curves that made us jealous Marilyn Monroe was known for doing what she wanted and making what she had work for her. If you’re at the stage of life where you know what you want and know what you like I’d recommend the rule of thirds.
The rule of thirds as it applies to weddings treats the bride and groom as one third, the groom’s parents as another third and the bride’s parents as the final third. In this scenario the entire wedding budget is divided by three and each third invites a third of the guests.
The bride and groom, acting as one financial unit, typically set the ideal budget and present to their respective parents until they agree on a number. In some circumstances the bride and groom may find that they want the majority of the financial responsibility for the wedding so that they don’t have to deal with a “Mommy and Daddy won’t pay for that” scenario.
The checklist for this is less certain since the big ticket items are dispersed but a breakdown could work like this:
Bride and Groom:
Rings
Clothing - dress, suit etc
Food at Reception
Open Bar
Wedding Cake
Band/music
Bride’s Parents:
Ceremony location
Decorations at Ceremony
Music at Ceremony
Flowers at Ceremony
Photography/videographer for the day
Groom’s Parents:
Rehearsal Dinner
Reception location
Decorations at Reception
Honeymoom
Whether you liken yourself a Coco Chanel, a Grace Kelley or a Marilyn Monroe, is not important, it’s just a fun way to sort through the best game plan for the most awkward part of the affair - the finances. Money isn’t something we should be embarrassed or afraid of - think of it as the size of your canvas and whether you’re a Rembrandt a Van Gogh or a Singer-Sargent it is going to be magnificent.
Who do you resonate most with? How did you/will you decide who pays for what?
Be sure to check out these other posts in our Frugal Bride Series:
Bridal Bootcamp: Everything You Need to Know About Getting Married
The $50,000 Lie: Why An Overly-Indulgent Wedding Hurts More Than Your Wallet
I’ve Waited For You My Whole Life: 6 Tips to Find the Perfect Wedding Dress
Anatomy of a Satellite Bride: What I Learned Planning my DIY Wedding from 1,000 Miles Away
DIY Bride: The Cost-Efficient Way to Be Unforgettable
And don’t forget our Frugal Bride Pinterest Board!
